confuse confuse confuse

Im so sad after reading my bestfren's blog :(
Ica, I realize we are quite a funny BBF (Best best fren for those who dont know =p)..I can't really show you how sad I am that we have to part, because I am still in a way in denial, like I havent feel the full impact of you being not around me anymore.. :(

Ica has been my one and only bestfren for 7 or 8 years?? She pulled me up when I was down, cheered me up whenever Im depressed, and always feel happy for me when I am happy. It is not easy to understand a person like me, I am egoistic, selfish, stubborn and very very VERY idealistic. and therefore I think she also got confused about me at times =D I am also a person who cannot tolerate people with many flaws..hence explaining the small number of my close friends..

She is always there when I broke up with my ex-es..even starting from the first one. hahaha. We had many funny stories and experiences we went through tgt. One story that she always likes to tell people is when i ALMOST broke her nose! hahahaha. pls dont get me wrong! Obviously i wont torture my one and only bbf! It happened cos I was practising kicking. and she was the one beside me at that time.. so accident happened..I admitted I was wrong because even when she was bleeding I wasnt the one looking for tissue. I was mean! Im sorry my dear..but it was indeed a story I will always rmb :)

Last time when we were in high school in Indo, Ica's house has became my second house. I stayed over like practically every week. I forgot wad did we even do sia..how can we din get bored at all HAHHAHA..

I also rmb, when I was on the verge of breaking up with my first ex, she was the one that helped me pressed the "send" button cos I didnt dare to! after that I cried and cried. lol. the first break up w my first ex was the hardest, but after that it strengthen our friendship much more. I cant rmb who cry on whose shoulder more often alr. can u cha?? =p

A lot of other dramatic scenarios too..but I cant reveal here, I will just save it in my heart :) I am glad I managed to help her too, just like how she helped me through thick and thin :)

So, as u can see, we even moved to SIngapore together, stayed in the same room for 2 years, but nevertheless see each other at least once a week, even after we dont stay at the same place anymore..I am never separated from Ica. not for too long. I always need her, I will always do.

Truth is, I am really scared that our frienship will change after I go off. Obviously I know that one day we will lead our own lives, Ica will live in London, I will be in Australia..and thats miles apart!! and sometimes no matter how hard u try, distance still changes relationshipp and I am really really REALLY scared of that! :((((((
I was hoping I can delay that by staying in Spore for at least another 3 years. stupid SMU SIS had to make me change my plan haixx

I can never imagine finding a friend better than Ica. you WILL always be my bbff(best best fren forever) cha!! other people can only be my bff! hahahahahahha

But Life is just like that..things dont always go the way u want it to be..
This moving to Australia thing has made the last 2 weeks particularly stressful for my bgs relationship too..

But I promise myself, I really wont get deterred by other people's opinion. After all, u are the one living ur life, not them..

hugest decision ever

I have officially made the hugest decision ever in my life.
I am leaving Singapore. Reasons??
1. I am sick of my degree right now (Information system), which I really have no passion for
2. I am not planning to work and stay in Singapore anyway.
3. I always want to go to other country.
4. There is no use forcing myself to continue another 3 years, going to school studying stg I dont like and wasting my age and money.

These 2 days I was on the verge of going mad. I am going back and fro between staying here and leaving. I talked to manyyy people, asking what would they do if they were me..
Most of them said "I will leave."

One of the hugest obstacle for going overseas is the money. money is always a problem.
I am actually planning to choose Australia, because their education is not as expensive as US and UK. But my parents now are trying to get me choose something else like Switzerland or Paris!

But as Ria said, I think I should choose what I really want and I think I would be more comfortable in Australia.

my bf? we are back and fro whether we should do LD or not. I know this is really hard for him but I really dont want to regret my decision again.

I know this is a shock and everyone I spoke with clearly are taken aback. My sister especially.
SHe kept screaming,"What????I am the impulsive one! If anyone is doing such a crazy stuff like this it would be me, not you!"

Hahahahaha.
Well, I still have not decided which country, which uni and which course, but I know my decision to stop looking at code and computer is the right decision.
For now, the first option is University of Melbourne, degree of commerce or finance.
Wish me luck people! :D

it hurts. it hurts so bad i dunno wad to do.
this felt so surreal. u are always there for me and i take u for granted.
when u are gone..i just cannot believe it..

im sorry i have to make this decision, it hurts me more than it hurts u.

in life, things dont always go the way we always want it to be..
this will be one of the time I cant choose best of both worlds..

I still cant believe you decided not to try..
I always thought u will, the stubborn, selfish me always thought u will..

"there is no use crying," I told myself. but the tears just wont stop.

every half of a minute i look at my phone, hoping it will vibrate.
but it doesnt,and it didnt.

I know u are probably sick of always sacrificing for me, I know, I cant ask much after what you have done for me..
I am an ungrateful, horrible person and I definitely dont deserve you..

I always thought, its so easy to forget someone.
It is easy to tell your friend, its over, move on, dont think of him again.
Truth is, it is never easy..

But sometimes, all you need is just a good cry. cry until you cant cry anymore.

sick of being sick

ok im so bored so I'll just write some random stuff today.
I have been sick for 4 days and I think its actually the h1n1 (flu babi in indo)
because I got all e symptoms; fever, up and down up till 40 degree several times, cough, sorethroat, sickly feeling in the stomach, and now blocked nose too.
I went to hospital 2 times but the doctor never told me to go for the test.
He did say it might be mild h1n1 though.

I am supposed to go take the test today (test whether im positive h1n1), but it cost 84 and i alr spent 170 bucks for the doctor fees
so I decided not to go.
The first few days I am sick I really enjoyed it. Everybody is taking care of me,
Oliv cooked porridge for me, Monic helped to sponge me when my fever goes really high, my bf came over with my fav ban mian. Basically my bf's presence just lighten me up ^^
and I am happy cos losing appetite means eating less and losing weight.
I do nothing but sleep 18 hours a day, go to toilet, eat a bit, eat medicine, lay on sofa watch tv and sleep again.

But coming to third day, I am sick of being sick.Anyway I spent much much better today.
yesterday my dad suggested that I should stay-in in the hospital.
I was excited at first! Thinking abt being weak and eating not nice hospital food which means losing weight (again) and having ppl visiting me...
although I dont really like the being injected part..
STILL, I never stay in hospital before!
till my bf pointed out,"Hospitals are haunted u know."
Damn him. It just crushed all my hospital fantasy. Haix.

Btw I have just finished reading SHOPAHOLIC by Sophie Kinsella.
Please dont shoot me for what I am going to write next.
I hate the girl inside the book. I mean it is funny, but when I read I feel more irritated than pleased. Seriously, she is just too dumb, with all her shopping problems and everything. and I promise myself, even though I still read all the series ( I only read cos its free), next time I am not going to force myself read through any of these kinds of novels where the lead-woman character is pictured as weak or dumb or helpless. It just irritate the hell out of me.

Well, thats all for now. Gotta rest again.
Ciao!